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Reality Check …a note from Sheila Moreno, MA

For centuries philosophers have spent their days and nights trying to explain reality to the rest of us plebes. What is reality? Is it simply the day-to-day experiences we perceive as we move about from morning until night? What are the rules for creating a description of reality that fits all situations? Is there such a thing as “one right reality” or is one reality better than all others or merely hold more truth than another?

Over the years many people, especially family members, have talked with me about how “poor” their loved one's life has now become due to dementia. With great sorrow they recall the character their loved one once portrayed and mournfully plea for the yesterdays their loved one actively participated in with fullness of thought and environmental awareness; long before the dementia became so obvious. To that end, regarding their reality, I would like to postulate my interpretation of what I see and hear on a daily basis while with your loved one.

If you imagine what reality is like for children raised in a healthy environment, you have a pretty good picture as to what reality is for dementia patients. Life has no worries because even before you start thinking you need something; someone has already taken care of it for you. No rent, no need for a job, no worries about the family, the price of gas, killer bees, main goal of the day is to just get distracted by all the important things that happen in a day, and war; what is war?

Ninety-nine percent of the worries and concerns we face throughout our day in our non-demented reality are totally annihilated as far as the dementia victim is concerned. Now, very much like a child in thought patterns, dementia victims have reverted to their own form of magical thinking again, something once used by all of us during early childhood.

Finally, while it is true the reality they had before the onset of dementia no longer exists, that does not and cannot negate all the beautiful, wonderful, and adventurous situations that are now unfolding in their new reality. It appears to me that the saddest part about their new reality would be the fact it holds the risk of separation from those they love most. This risk can turn to absolute if we do not meet them in their reality for they will never come to ours. If, on the other hand, we meet them in their reality we will have the opportunity to give them many, many years of love, affection, laughter, and support.

Also avialable: Read the article Sheila wrote for the Senior Source newspaper here: SM Senior Source "The Other Side of the Door", and her article from the Lake Steven's Journal here: New Years Resolutions

At Somerset you are never alone!